Finding Courage

      "If I could only just walk out, have a place ready to move into. I had all I could take." That was the day I grabbed a bag of clothes and told him I was leaving. I grabbed a bag full of stuff: a couple of outfits, some toiletries, my alcohol, and my trophy (we had one first-place finish in the Autumnfest Parade at the gas station where I worked). I walked out the door to a friend's house; she had always said her door was open. It was a rough couple of years, but I survived. I was away from all the ridicule, mental abuse, but most of all, I was doing it "myself".

Working, paying my way, living, laughing, and (aside from a few nasty run-ins with my neighbor guy), I felt fantastic. Oh, don't get me wrong, I cried, I screamed (at just about everything). There were many times I about caved. Especially those times when you're all alone, and you gotta pull your big girl panties up, and you do, and then you carry on like you got the world by the ass. (And you laugh because you're scared to death, you ain't got s**t).  However, I am here to tell you, you can walk away; you can make life so much happier- maybe not for them, but definitely for yourself. It takes courage, determination, grit, or whatever you want to call it, but I knew if I did not get away, something bad was going to happen to one of us, and I wasn't ready for it to be me. I will not sugarcoat it: you have to be ready to change your habits. Sometimes you even learn what friendship really is. (If you have any friends left). The ones that are your friends will understand your new goals in life; those not-so-good friends will slowly disappear. But there will be others who will see the changes and rally around. But you will survive. I prayed a lot, knowing I didn't really deserve a whole lot, but I tried. Blowed my mind when I found out those prayers were being answered, always had been.

       That is where my page comes in. All you have to do is hop on, and if something is troubling you, or you need to talk, vent, or scream, go ahead...I will listen! I hope to have others commenting on different subjects, too. "Keep Comin' Back." The one thing I have learned over the years is how much it matters to get and stick with the people who support you, encourage you, and believe in you. For they will make a big difference in your decision to walk away and find your courage to go on. 

Embracing Change

      Embracing change is a pivotal part of finding your courage. Once you take that brave step to leave a toxic situation, the next challenge is to accept the new path ahead of you. Change can be daunting, but it also opens doors to new opportunities, experiences, and growth. It requires an open mind and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone. Whether it’s exploring new hobbies, meeting new people, or even changing your career, embracing change fosters resilience and self-discovery. Remember, every step you take toward embracing change is a testament to your strength and determination to create a life that truly reflects who you are. So, lean into the discomfort of change; it’s where the magic happens, and where you’ll find the courage to thrive.

I remember for a while after I sobered up, everything I did was a new adventure:

• I went to my first concert (in my life) sober; I was designated driver, I was given free soft drinks and coffee. I couldn't believe all the people there: Kid Rock, ZZ Top, and Uncle Kracker. Oh my, oh my, did I look like those people did out in the crowds...I am sure I did! I love watching music bring people together. The drive out was insane, but I did it. I drove my two dear friends, both named Debbie, safely back to our hotel room in Indianapolis! Everything looked brighter; I felt a sense of pride in myself. Finally, I realized that everything I was doing, I was seeing it from a whole new perspective. Once you start looking up and looking forward, the courage will just roll with you. That is the greatest feeling ever: freedom!

You will be tested too, scrutinized on every move. There were a few times it was tough not to just grab a bottle and drown my sorrows. But I wanted "Life" instead. This time I would win the battle one day at a time. 15 years later, I am still winning! 

"Keep Comin' Back"